


Memory Eraser

by SnowKillWhite



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 14:59:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9553712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowKillWhite/pseuds/SnowKillWhite
Summary: They say memories make you who you are. When you are gone you will forever stay in someone memories. We can say that memories are the most important part of being who you are and how other remember you. But what will happen if you remember everything but people around you will forget you ? It didn't happen suddenly. It was small change that where barely noticeable. Like forgetting how much sugar to put in a cup of coffee despite preparing one each day. Nothing to really worry right? They were busy with getting new mission, busy with all the new information they were suddenly given. That what he was telling himself, to try to bandage his aching heart. All he could do, to not have his darkness showing was isolating himself.





	

They say memories make you who you are. When you are gone you will forever stay in someone memories. We can say that memories are the most important part of being who you are and how other remember you. But what will happen if you remember everything but people around you will forget you ? It didn't happen suddenly. It was small change that where barely noticeable. Like forgetting how much sugar to put in a cup of coffee despite preparing one each day. Nothing to really worry right? They were busy with getting new mission, busy with all the new information they were suddenly given. That what he was telling himself, to try to bandage his aching heart. All he could do, to not have his darkness showing was isolating himself.

 

His white hair were a mess on the white sofa,too much white : white piano, white floor, white roof, white door. But red scar, onyx arm. And black shadow inside the window. He breathed in, held it in and slowly exhaled. It had happen before with Mana and it had been his fault.

 

**“Mana..”**

 

He breathed out the name but didn't expect the bitter feeling rising in his mouth.

 

_'It's not fair.. When Mana said, “I love you...” was he telling.. Me? Or.. Which was it..?'_

 

He bite hard on his lips. He shouldn't think about it right now. It was dangerous to think about that in this room. But he wondered briefly how did his Master saw him. Did he look as pathetic as he felt? Was it like when he picked him up all over again? Broken? Defeat? The next words of his master didn't comfort him at all. Saying that Mana had lost his mind. But then, there was finally warm; after being so cold with everything he had learn, there was warm. And he was against his master chest, still trying to understand everything. He didn't felt as broken as before. It became a dull ache. Something that will never go away but was sinking in. The hand on the back of his head wasn't forceful. It had been sweet, comforting, reassuring. Who would have guest that in a spawn of a few second, his heart had been crushed, nursed back and broken again.

 

Pain. And then something yellow, flying in front of him. Allen sighed slowly getting up. He had to go now. Or else he could get in trouble for escaping Link watch. He held his hand, feeling a powerful headache making his vision turned blurry. They were more and more powerful lately. He had too much time to think.

 

**“So you are hiding now?”**

 

Allen simply smiled, knowing full well whose voice was that.

 

**“Master. I don't think you have the right to be next to me.”**

**“Since when did I obey the rules?”**

 

At that Allen could just smirk. He kept walking however until he felt a hand wrapping itself around his wirst. The next second he was throw against the wall and being pinned against it by the older man.

 

**“And I can see you don't mind me breaking all of them.”**

**“You wouldn't listen even if I had something against it.”**

 

He let his hand wander inside the red long hair, strangely perfect that his master had. Since when did they started liking each other this way?

 

For Allen, it was before Cross left. If you asked him it had been a mistake but it was the best mistake he could have make. They didn't had a relationship but a lot of awkward moment putting Allen's hormones through struggled or through embarrassed situation. One day, after thinking and thinking, an playing cards, accepting drink. Yes not very good but he thought he was old enough to drink. Especially since he was living with his master who had been drinking everyday. Well almost. Anyways, he had starting to feel the warm of every drink as he stumbled back inside the hotel him and his master were resting. He fell face first when his feet collide with an empty bottle and he felt anger rising inside of him at the man laugh. So he threw the money at Cross face and that caused the anger of the man. They usually would swear at each other and moved on with their life but not this time. Out of anger for the lack of consideration of his master, Allen simply shoot 'I don't even know why I love you! You are the worst!'. And it felt like time had stopped. Cross rather violently grabbed him by his arms and threw him on the bed scolding him with a dark look, telling him he had no idea what he was saying and he better never mention it again. Then he had left the hotel room, probably to drink more or forget everything in the arms of another woman leaving Allen alone. From that day, they never talked about it again and Cross was more and more out or in a woman arms. Allen buried all his feeling through bitterness and continued walking forward. When his master said he was ready to be an exorcist, he had been ecstatic. But not when he got knock unconscious by a freaking hammer. The first minutes of waking up had been painful.But what hurt the most was being alone. From that day, he prepared himself to shelter his heart if one day he had to see his master again.

 

Of course it didn't work that easily. When he finally saw his master again, his heart missed a beat but at the moment he didn't had the time to worry about all this. The fight with what Tyki had become, the earl, the arch, the download and the 14th. He could barely remember his time at the nurse while he was still struggling into being awake and passing out but he remember the smell of cigarette and a hand lingering over his face, trying to wake him up. When he had open his eyes, he was not surprised to see his master, sitting in the edge of the bed, his legs crossed and looking at the wall.

 

**“So, how is it now?”**

**“Pretty bad..”**

 

He barely managed to whisper but they had a bond already growing between them. Cross knew exactly what he was refering to. That seemed to pissed off Cross however because he crushed his cigarette under his shoes. What he remembered, he thought it was delirum from all the pain because he felt his master lips on his dry lips. The taste of cigarette and whyskey? Allen let himself drown inside the kiss even when he felt the exhaustion creeping up on him again. When Cross broke the kiss, he slowly licked his lips and looked down at him, who was struggling to regain his breath being took away by a simple kiss. He felt Cross hand over his eyes pushing him inside another haunting dreams. Allen would have never mention what he remembered from that night if Cross didn't brought it up.

 

It was much later, after he had learn he couldn't have any contact with his master. Honestly he had no idea how his master managed to sneek out, well it was his master, the man that avoid the Order all his life. But they ended up in the same room, alone and simply starring at each other for a pretty long time until Cross, who wasn't a very patient man, slowly kissed him. It wasn't forced, leaving him an escape road. But Allen just wrapped his hand around his master's neck, pulling him in a more needy kiss.

 

**“You are going to regret this.”**

**“I won't Master.”**

**“You ache for thing you don't understand.”**

**“Even if I get hurt, I will have only myself to blame for not walking away.”**

 

Apparantly it was enough for Cross who threw away any thought he might have had and kissed Allen passionatly. A bit taken by surprise, Allen felt his knees goes weak and a small moan escaping his lips. Like this, they became a thing. They couldn't be called a couple, because Cross never said these 3 words back to him, just saying he care **deeply** for him. But even without hearing these words, Allen was more content then ever.

 

Allen was brought back to reality by Cross biting a bit too harshly on his neck. Oh right, how did he managed to go that back in the past when his master was right in front of him.

 

**“Try to keep your thought on me or I won't be nice~”**

 

Allen swallowed hard, licking his lips shortly after. He tugged on the hair still inside his hands.

 

**“Maybe I don't want you to be?~”**

**“And you were so innocent during our first night.”**

 

Allen blushed and let out a small moan feeling Cross biting again on his collarbone. They really shouldn't do that here, in the musician room. But all his care were threw away when Cross slipped his hand between his legs, grabbing in a soft but firm grip.

 

**“I said. Stop thinking. We agreed to just focus on the pleasure while we are like this.”**

 

Cross had whispered against his warm skin. Noticing that Allen was back with him, Cross smirked leaving dark red mark with all his biting.

 

**“Turn around, hands on the wall and make sure to keep the position or else~”**

 

The hand over his ass made him shivered in anticipation and honestly he would mind moving if that mean he would receive _that_ punishment. But he also knew how much of a sadist Cross was. He would simply punish him, he would leave him like this if he enjoyed the punishment too much. Thinking about how disturbing their relation could look in other people eye caused him to let out a low chuckled.

 

**“And you are laughing huh? Guess you really want punishment.”**

 

As soon as Cross had finish talking, he raised his hand and violently slapped Allen's ass, smirking at the loud moan he got in response.

 

**“Good?”**

**“More than good.”**

 

Despite being a sadist, his master always made sure he didn't went too far. Quickly getting into the position Cross wanted, Allen let out a pleading moan looking at him.

 

**“I love seeing your silver eyes like this. But they will be better once I cloud them with tears of pleasure.”**

 

Cross slowly, teasingly opened Allen's pants just pushing them to reveal his underwear. One of his hand find it's way inside his shirt and to his chest where he pinched the small bulge of nerves making Allen arched his back. Once he was done abusing Allen's chest, he felt rather satisfy with all the bite mark on his neck and the very noticeable bulge on his boxer. He opened his own pants and pushed his body against Allen, very slightly panting into Allen ear.

 

**“Tell me what you want.”**

**“Marian..”**

**“No, you have to tell me.”**

 

He knew how much of a hard time Allen had to concentrate while his erection was pressing against his ass and he wasn't helping him with the way he gave slow thurst. Allen's body was shaking with needs as he tried to form his words.

 

**“I want.. I want you.”**

**“Now now you have to do more than that, Allen~”**

**“Fuck Marian I want you to ravage me. Make me yours, make me scream and beg for your-”**

 

He was cut off by a loud moan as Cross pushed his hand inside his boxer to take a hold of his erection, pumping slowly up and down. He let his head hang low as he felt his knees going weak. He wanted so much more than just this. But he knew he had to be patient. He felt Cross other hand slowly reached his throat and his fingers wrapping themselves around it.

 

**“You are such a perv you know?”**

**“N-no way..”**

 

Allen let his voice be more quiet as he let out a soft 'harder' in a begging way. Cross just chuckled, tightening his grips around Allen's throat and erection. He slowly licked Allen's shoulder once again before he stopped all this actions, causing Allen to whimper at the lost. Pushing down Allen's boxer and his own, Cross pulled out a small oil flask from his pants. Of course he was carrying this around in case they could have some alone time even if they didn't always make their encounter sexual. After opening the bottle, he let the substance dripped on his fingers warming it up before his fingers find their way inside of Allen. Careful, he slowly inserted one finger inside of Allen, loving how tight he was, just like their first time. Soon one finger wasn't enough and Allen was himself thrusting his hips against it. Adding another finger, Cross once again wrapped his hand around Allen's throat but without tightening his grip, just barely holding, teasing.

 

**“E-enough Marian.. I want.. I need you now.”**

**“Mmh~ You are lucky I'm not in the mood for long teasing.”**

 

Letting out a sigh of relief that quickly became a whimper when Cross pulled out his fingers, Allen threw his head back to look at Cross with eyes clouded by desire, pleasure and love. Not resisting that sight, Cross slowly kissed him as he slowly apply the oil on himself, letting out small groan of pleasure.

 

**“Ready?”**

**“Don't make me beg again..”**

**“Why not? You are already such a mess. Look at yourself, you are dripping precum on the floor~”**

 

Before Allen could answer, he felt Cross entering him. The burning sensation of having something so deep made him tensed up a bit. Feeling him clenching around him, Cross let out a moan, his oiled hand grabbing Allen's neglect hard on to make him forget the pain. But once he was entirely inside of him he didn't let Allen catch his breath and immediately start moving, hard and fast. Because all this teasing had just made him want to take Allen right now and judging by the moan the other was letting out, he wasn't complaining at all. The sounds of their skins slapping against each other appeared more loud than anything. Allen let out a series of cursed and moan at Cross, his legs bending slightly with all the pleasure going straight to his head. Small tears of pleasure were running down his cheek as Cross hands tighten his grip on his neck, causing him to pant harder as his oxygen was cut down. His body was shaking harder and harder as his scream got louder and louder.

 

**“Already close huh? Fine Allen. Cum for me.”**

 

With just these words, Allen's body immediately obeyed and his orgasm hit him hard but Cross didn't stopped, he kept slamming inside Allen's sensitive body until he found his own relief, coming inside of Allen with a moan saying his name.

 

They stayed like this for a few minutes before Cross slowly pulled out shivering. They slided down the wall and Cross pulled Allen's close to him. Allen slowly fell asleep like that, against Cross.

 

**“Allen.. […] know that I […] and I love you.”**

 

Allen could barely hear Cross talking. Did Cross really said that he loved him? But everything went black before he could ask him to repeat.

 

When he finally woke up, he was dressed up and inside his bedroom, alone. Link was nowhere to be seen. He had expect his master to not be here but Link was supposed to watch over him. Where did he go? How many hours had he been sleeping? Lost, he slowly pulled himself out of the bed wincing. It was night so there wouldn't be many people around, Allen decided to go find his master. He was walking slow, his head violently pulsing and he felt nauseous. When Lenalee was happily walking down the hall before looking at Allen surprised.

 

**“Well, what are you doing here? Are you new? Are you lost?”**

**“Le-Lenalee.. It's me, Allen.”**

**“Allen? Oh Allen! Ahah sorry for a second I didn't recognize you!”**

 

Allen froze, swallowing hard. It didn't stop. Everyone was still forgetting about him. He forced a smile on his lips and said goodbye to Lenalee. His whole body felt heavy. He wanted to scream, to fight against this but.. You can't fight against memory. And he was fading.

 

It didn't happen only to Lenalee. Everyone had forget about him. Even Lavi. Everyone was forgetting that Allen Walker even exist.

 

After walking endlessly inside the dark Ordern, Allen found himself in front of Cross room. He was hoping that his master didn't forget about him. That someone will at least remember him. He opened the door slowly and saw his master looking at the window with a glass of wine. Allen slowly wrapped his arms around Cross waist and burried his face in his chest. They stayed in silent, Cross was just petting Allen's hair absently looking at the window.

 

**“I.. I don't think I can stay here.. If everyone forget about me, I should go. Fight on my own.”**

**“Mmh.. We could go back to Mother. She'll not be happy to have us on her old back.”**

**“I don't know.. I don't want to put Baba and Mother at risk..”**

 

They both fell into silent, Allen taking comfort into Cross hand petting his hair. But something was unsettling. Something was weird, something unsaid between both of them.

 

**“Mar-Master?”**

**“Mmh?”**

**“Nothing..”**

**“Allen? What color are your eyes already?”**

 

Allen froze. He let out a small sad laugh pushing himself off Cross. He walked toward the exit door, holding back his tears.

 

**“They are gray stupid Master.”**

 

He said looking at him with a smile before walking out. He ran. He ran trying so hard to hide his tears.

 

Cross Marian was forgetting about him.

 

The world turned black.

 

The next days? Weeks? Or has it been month? He knew that Cross had completely forget about him, about their relationship. But it's not like it matters anyways.

 

Ever since that day, he had been stuck to that chair.

 

Ever since that day, Nea was back.

 

And Cross was with him.

 

_Ever since that day, Allen Walker no long existed in anyone memories._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well Hello everyone! Thank you for taking time to read this!  
> Let me explain a bit how this story came to life: A few weeks ago now, I had that dream where everyone was forgetting about Allen because Nea was taking control. I felt so.. Heartbreak. But the idea wouldn't want to live my mind.  
> That awesome artist who draw Cross and Allen art, told me to do it because if I don't do it who will?  
> And my girlfriend wanted me to write a Crossllen smut sooo yeah.  
> So yeah that pushed me to create that! I am not really really proud of it but for my first D.gray man fanfic write alone and only based on a 1 minutes memory of a dream, I did okay!  
> So special thanks to: Kokoko sir! (here the tumblr link: http://kokoko-sir.tumblr.com/ )  
> My girlfriend who is the best soon to be wife~


End file.
